Everything around her is dim, she feels as if she is gliding in a space that knows no dimension. Yet, she feels safe. She is familiar with the warmth granted to her from that place, she is happy wherever she is, now.
Her days resemble night and noon. She stopped counting her Thursdays, her Saturdays. Time passes by, she is caught up in a tangle of thoughts and questions. Is she alone in this world? Why isn’t she afraid floating in unexplainable space with no purpose?
One day while she was grasping the core of her thoughts, questioning her own existence, a foreign yet soft sound startled her silence.
“Hello, Lola” Mike said with loving eyes.
“Good morning love” Lola softly replied.
“Today is the day” he noted.
“I hope so” she said.
They kept on talking and headed to their four wheel vehicle. He rushed gracefully to open the door to her seat, the way he always does, she smiled and thanked him, he got to his seat and started driving.
Their conversation continued, getting deeper and deeper. He told her he still doesn’t believe that she is his wife, that sometimes he thinks all of this is just a beautiful dream and that when he wakes up in the morning he keeps his eyelids closed a little longer from the fear that she might have disappeared from beside him.
She was astonished, it didn’t occur to her that she could hear or see anything but silence and darkness.
Lights suddenly emerged extracting her from wherever she is, getting brighter by the second. She tried to repel it with all of her strength, there is nothing she can hang on to, she felt helpless as the light grew stronger until it swallowed her.
She laid on the hospital’s bed terrified and shivering, the moment the doctor appeared to examine her she went into labor. The doctor called out for the nurses immediately and then called Mike.
He gripped her hand and said to her “at last, God is granting us the gift we both so longed for, a baby”
-“Push!” The nurse cried-
“Push my love” said Mike.
“Why is the light closing in on me? Why is it pulling me? Is it the end? Is it my end? I don’t wish to leave this place.“ But then the light captured her. She closed her eyes, assured that it was over, there was no escape.
She opened her eyes and found a weird creature clenching on her “Leave me go! Leave me!” she screamed. “Take me back to where I belong.”
“It’s a girl” the nurse said holding the little infant. As soon as she said that the baby started crying. Marking its own existence in this world. Mike smiled and held her between his hands “she looks like you.”
Lola grinned and stretched her arms to her daughter. She held her as gently as anything fragile is held and stared at her rapturously with love.
“She has your eyes “ Mike chuckled.
She didn’t answer him, he looked at her and found her eyes closed and her head tilting to her right.
He screamed yelling for the doctor to come help. He found himself outside the operation room all of a sudden holding his baby girl worried and looking at his wife across the glass window unaware of what was happening.
“I’m sorry sir, we did all we could to save her, but she’s gone.Sorry for your loss”
He couldn’t believe what the nurse told him, he kept on looking at the image in front of him–Lola, his life partner, laying there without any life in her with a faint smile on her lips.
Weeks passed, Mike loss interest in sleep. Whenever he remembers her he gets stuck in a lasting hurricane of sadness. Sometimes he sobs himself to sleep, but his daughter Ann’s cries wake him up. Ann, the name they both agreed on. It feels like she’s telling him no more sleep after today.
Every time he looks at his daughter he is showered with these frightening and scary emotions, accusing her of killing her mother, but then again he can’t deny that she is all that is left from her mother he sees her soul within her little eyes.
Here I am darkness, again, but why isn’t it making me feel safe? Why does feel so.. lonely? I’m bored.
She cried for anyone to come and play with her and Mike came holding her wandering with his gazes at her.
“Why are your eyes full of tears? Yet you smile at me? What is the matter?”
One day Mike sat in his office at home looking at a picture taken of him and Lola on their honeymoon. Their photos usually show one of them posing at the camera while the one of them looks towards the other. In this photo Lola was looking at him.
After staring for hours at the photo he decided to write. After all, he heard that writing helps with soothing any pain a person endures.
Forty-three days have passed since you’ve been gone, I still can’t believe that you aren’t here. I believed that we’d live in our world forever, grow grey together until none of us is capable of moving without the other. Here I am writing, setting the pain aside, freeing pieces of it from me, pieces in exchange for some sleep. I haven’t rested since that dreadful day.
My noon is night, I don’t care anymore. I’m still caught up with the fact that you’re gone. Gone? Even the word is heavy for me to speak, yet alone think.
I went to visit the Pope at church. Yes, I know how weird this may sound; me at the church although refusing to go there many times with you. He told me that even if time takes forever, souls will reunite someday.
I didn’t believe him but I kept on visiting him every day. Hearing I might meet you again eases the ache in my heart.
I’ve thought numerous times of ending my life even if we may not meet again I cannot bear another day without you.
Every day I place my head on your pillow I smell the scent of your hair, I start remembering the day we first met, I remember it perfectly, do you remember? In college? We met spontaneously, I remember smiling for no reason when my eyes first laid sight upon you. Days passed and I tried to get to know you, doing so I was sure it was you I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Five years passed and we would meet everyday. Yes, we’ve had our differences, but we would always make it right for the both of us and we finished college together.. Remember when you had to leave the country with your family? I prayed to God your family will somehow find a reason to stay here.
I still remember the day you called to tell me you were not leaving.
I cried out of joy that day, then months passed and we had our wedding on your birthday. You said you wanted it to be the most beautiful gift I could ever give you and here I am looking at our photo at the beach…”
Mike stopped writing when he heard Ann cry He rushed to her room, opened the door and held her gently looking at her crying. It felt as if he was looking at Lola. He realized that it was Ann that was keeping him from committing suicide.
The last memory of his wife, she shouldn’t be blamed, she only met her mother for a few minutes, she shouldn’t lose her father as well. He embraced his little girl to his chest and his tears filled his face.
One Tuesday, when the sun was tickling the tops of trees behind the clouds, and the trees bend with every woof of a breeze…
Winter is conquering every place without snow, December is the coldest of all seasons..
A little girl wearing a red scarf and a pair of red boots with a red coat around her, she looks gorgeous!
A man in his forties is carrying her on his shoulders near his head that seems to have a little grey on it.
She is playing with his ears, holding a drawing beneath her arm. They stopped and he placed her from his shoulders to the ground…
He stood still for a while, staring at what was in front of him. They left the drawing on top of a grave full of fading flowers. The father smiled to his young daughter telling her it’s time to go.
“Ok papa” she said.
They both directed towards the car. His steps uneven not sure if he wanted to leave the place yet, her small hands holding her father. Suddenly she let go of him and ran to the grave kissing the small arch built on it with her mother’s name
“Hello Mama, I’ve missed you. Today papa and I came to you with a drawing that has all three of us in it. Papa has a copy of it in his room. He told me he very much loves it, so we brought it for you as well.”
“I love you Mama.. Goodbye.”